What is a sister?
"She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink." ~Barbara Alpert
Mary Johnston died on June 1, 2010. She died of uterine cancer at the age of 58. She left three precious children and two baby grandsons. Her capacity to love was huge; her ability to empathize was unlimited. She was one of the smartest women I knew. She was a guide, a muse, and a mentor. She was my sister, not of the flesh, but of the spirit.
I started to write this 1-1/2 years ago and I have only recently been able to finish it.
"She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion..."
Mary had an interview for a CEO position for a behavioral health company in Scranton, PA. She invited me to go with her, we would stay overnight. We arrived on a bitter-cold winter's night. Mary could not tolerate cold! Many times on our outings we would have to stop at a store so she could buy a sweater (even on July 4th!)
When we arrived at the hotel and got to our room we discovered that the heat had not been turned on. The room was freezing!!! We turned on the heat but knew with such temperatures it would be quite awhile before the room would warm. Mary was literally shivering and shaking. She got in the bed fully-clothed, including her coat and mine on top of that and all of the blankets on top of that, and still she shivered!!
The only warming element in the room was the iron ... hmmm!! Soon I was ironing my friend!! Literally ironing her!! Through her clothing, of course! We laughed so hard we were almost crying! She warmed up and completed a successful interview the next day. She was offered the job but in the end declined. She didn't want to live hours away from her kids.
The only warming element in the room was the iron ... hmmm!! Soon I was ironing my friend!! Literally ironing her!! Through her clothing, of course! We laughed so hard we were almost crying! She warmed up and completed a successful interview the next day. She was offered the job but in the end declined. She didn't want to live hours away from her kids.
"She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities."
I met Mary in the fall of 2000. I was hired to work as a temp in an office for which she had oversight. My life was in major transition; I was entering the workplace after 22 years of marriage. I was not sure how competent I was and felt insecure in a corporate setting. Mary was always affirming of me, she constantly focused on my success and was generous in giving praise. She seemed so sophisticated to me, the epitome of the professional business woman.
She hired me as her permanent assistant in April of 2001. I was not as computer literate as others, but she was always sure of my potential. Little did we realize then how our lives were being aligned by divine design for a greater purpose than the smooth operations of a behavioral health insurance company.
Later that month, I moved out of my marital home and she was diagnosed with 3rd stage breast cancer. We were two women whose lives would embark upon a journey that would change us forever. The years to come would knit our hearts together and forge a love that would be until death do we part.
I met Mary in the fall of 2000. I was hired to work as a temp in an office for which she had oversight. My life was in major transition; I was entering the workplace after 22 years of marriage. I was not sure how competent I was and felt insecure in a corporate setting. Mary was always affirming of me, she constantly focused on my success and was generous in giving praise. She seemed so sophisticated to me, the epitome of the professional business woman.
She hired me as her permanent assistant in April of 2001. I was not as computer literate as others, but she was always sure of my potential. Little did we realize then how our lives were being aligned by divine design for a greater purpose than the smooth operations of a behavioral health insurance company.
Later that month, I moved out of my marital home and she was diagnosed with 3rd stage breast cancer. We were two women whose lives would embark upon a journey that would change us forever. The years to come would knit our hearts together and forge a love that would be until death do we part.
"She is your defense..."
Mary was hugely empathetic. She called me one day distraught because a dear friend of hers was diagnosed with cancer. She asked for prayer as she felt helpless to help her friend. As we prayed I envisioned a pair of baby shoes, a tiny pair of baby shoes. The Lord wanted her to remember that she is but his little girl and He is her big daddy. He will take care of this situation. She loved the analogy and found comfort in those words.
Mary was hugely empathetic. She called me one day distraught because a dear friend of hers was diagnosed with cancer. She asked for prayer as she felt helpless to help her friend. As we prayed I envisioned a pair of baby shoes, a tiny pair of baby shoes. The Lord wanted her to remember that she is but his little girl and He is her big daddy. He will take care of this situation. She loved the analogy and found comfort in those words.
About a week later we were out for dinner and stopped in a
shoe-store. I knew the Lord wanted me to buy her a pair of baby-shoes as a reminder to her that when she feels overwhelmed she has a big daddy who will take care of her.We chose the sweetest pair of pink baby sandals! We laughed so hard when we took them and placed them next to a pair of men's shoes, size 14!! It was such a vivid picture to both of us of how little we are next to our heavenly Papa!She took the shoes home, and with a piece of lace ribbon hung them on the wall beside her bed. It was a constant reminder, especially during her illness, that Father God would take care of her. He would carry her through the trials that overwhelm. She was protected and could lean on His strength.
When she died, Annie asked if I wanted anything that was her mother's. I asked if I could have the shoes. Those pretty pink sandals now hang in my bedroom. They remind me of my sister and of our big, big Daddy.
"A strong woman is one who is able to smile this morning like she wasn't crying last night."
I was in school for massage training when Mary first started treatment for breast cancer. I wanted to do something for her after her surgery so I offered to go to her home and give her a foot massage. When we arrived, I expected to find her fragile and worn after having undergone a radical mastectomy. Instead, a beautiful and radiant Mary greeted us at the door.
I would soon learn of this woman's strength, even under the most dire circumstance. Days after chemotherapy she would be back in her office, working, smiling, and caring for others in her usual manner. With the exception of her inner circle of friends, nobody would know how terribly she suffered from the side-effects of chemo.
I would soon learn of this woman's strength, even under the most dire circumstance. Days after chemotherapy she would be back in her office, working, smiling, and caring for others in her usual manner. With the exception of her inner circle of friends, nobody would know how terribly she suffered from the side-effects of chemo.
During the last week of her life I spent a few nights with her in the hospital. One was a particularly rough night, she tossed and turned, she was up and down, even with the high dose of pain medication she was restless. It was clear that she was declining quickly. Her blood pressure was a dismal reading.
When the doctor came in the morning it was determined that a decision would have to be made regarding whether she would return to her home or go to inpatient hospice. She was caught off guard by this as she thought there would be more time.
I witnessed my dear friend do what she did all of her life. With all the strength she could muster, she sat straight up on her bed. She analyzed how difficult it had been for her to go to the bathroom in the hospital, which was just steps away; how would she manage at home? What kind of stress would be created for her children? So she made the decision, through mere strength of will and consideration for others, to go to inpatient hospice.
As usual for Mary, the decision proved to be right. If she had gone home, she would have been transferred back. Three days later she breathed her last breath and went home to Heaven.
"She is someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark."
Mary became a regular massage client when I opened my office. She was my favorite because of how she relaxed into the session. She would often have visions while in such a state. When the massage was over I would leave her to dress and when I returned we would sit together while she told me what she experienced.
One such vision was the adventure of riding on the back of Aslan, (the lion character representative of Jesus in the C.S. Lewis Chronicles of Narnia series.) She envisioned riding Aslan to the summits of the highest mountains. Her hair was golden, long and flowing to her feet! Aslan would stand on his rear legs and roar and roar. On his back she was happy, free and protected as they climbed onward and upward to heights she couldn't imagine!
When the doctor came in the morning it was determined that a decision would have to be made regarding whether she would return to her home or go to inpatient hospice. She was caught off guard by this as she thought there would be more time.
I witnessed my dear friend do what she did all of her life. With all the strength she could muster, she sat straight up on her bed. She analyzed how difficult it had been for her to go to the bathroom in the hospital, which was just steps away; how would she manage at home? What kind of stress would be created for her children? So she made the decision, through mere strength of will and consideration for others, to go to inpatient hospice.
As usual for Mary, the decision proved to be right. If she had gone home, she would have been transferred back. Three days later she breathed her last breath and went home to Heaven.
"She is someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark."
Mary became a regular massage client when I opened my office. She was my favorite because of how she relaxed into the session. She would often have visions while in such a state. When the massage was over I would leave her to dress and when I returned we would sit together while she told me what she experienced.
One such vision was the adventure of riding on the back of Aslan, (the lion character representative of Jesus in the C.S. Lewis Chronicles of Narnia series.) She envisioned riding Aslan to the summits of the highest mountains. Her hair was golden, long and flowing to her feet! Aslan would stand on his rear legs and roar and roar. On his back she was happy, free and protected as they climbed onward and upward to heights she couldn't imagine!
I now believe that this was a vision of her in Heaven. I think when I arrive there I will recognize her as the woman with the long, flowing golden hair down to her feet!
"She ... is even your shrink."
Our first lunch together was at Wendy's. I was experiencing deep emotional pain during that intense transitional period in my life. It was during that lunch that Mary began to reveal to me some of her own story. I was shocked to hear her talk of the deep disappointments and rejection she had experienced for I imagined hers the "perfect" life.
Her disclosure comforted me. I felt less isolated, less alone. She did not judge me, rather she entered into my pain and identified with me. It was then that I knew I had made a friend. This was somebody I could trust and confide in. What a blessing, an oasis in my spiritual desert, a balm to my emotional rawness! Over the years, Mary would be my confidante. I never knew a greater listener. She was an active listener, one who would pay attention to the smallest detail and show such interest that you thought your story the most engaging - your idea, the most brilliant - your problem, the most important concern of her day!
"She is ... your personal press agent,"
A mutual co-worker and dear friend of both Mary and me died in the spring of 2009. I was asked to officiate at the funeral. I was nervous as this would be the first funeral I did alone and many of my former co-workers would be there. I so wanted the funeral to be a fitting tribute to my friend's life and I wanted to encourage the mourners to take comfort in the reality of God's abundant love.When I felt afraid of something I would usually call Mary and she would help me muster the courage to go at it! As usual she was right there with me, encouraging me and praying for me. The day of the funeral, Mary was already there when I arrived. She stayed with me while I prepared and then she took her seat.
As I began to speak I scanned the audience for her face and there she was, smiling at me through her tears. She nodded at me with the approval and affirmation that eased my nerves. When the funeral was over and people came to shake my hand and thank me for a touching eulogy, Mary beamed with pride the way my mom did when I performed at school functions or dance recitals.
“Death opens a door out of a little, dark room into a great, real place where the true sun shines and we shall meet.”
Her beautiful face is no longer here in the audience of my life, but I take comfort in knowing that she is among the great cloud of witnesses in Heaven. She still cheers and beams with pride as I run my race in this life. I am most assured she will be jumping up and down when I cross over that finish line into eternity.
Always in my heart, always in my touch. How deeply you are missed, my sister, my friend.
"No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving
some mark on it forever."
Our first lunch together was at Wendy's. I was experiencing deep emotional pain during that intense transitional period in my life. It was during that lunch that Mary began to reveal to me some of her own story. I was shocked to hear her talk of the deep disappointments and rejection she had experienced for I imagined hers the "perfect" life.
Her disclosure comforted me. I felt less isolated, less alone. She did not judge me, rather she entered into my pain and identified with me. It was then that I knew I had made a friend. This was somebody I could trust and confide in. What a blessing, an oasis in my spiritual desert, a balm to my emotional rawness! Over the years, Mary would be my confidante. I never knew a greater listener. She was an active listener, one who would pay attention to the smallest detail and show such interest that you thought your story the most engaging - your idea, the most brilliant - your problem, the most important concern of her day!
"She is ... your personal press agent,"
A mutual co-worker and dear friend of both Mary and me died in the spring of 2009. I was asked to officiate at the funeral. I was nervous as this would be the first funeral I did alone and many of my former co-workers would be there. I so wanted the funeral to be a fitting tribute to my friend's life and I wanted to encourage the mourners to take comfort in the reality of God's abundant love.When I felt afraid of something I would usually call Mary and she would help me muster the courage to go at it! As usual she was right there with me, encouraging me and praying for me. The day of the funeral, Mary was already there when I arrived. She stayed with me while I prepared and then she took her seat.
As I began to speak I scanned the audience for her face and there she was, smiling at me through her tears. She nodded at me with the approval and affirmation that eased my nerves. When the funeral was over and people came to shake my hand and thank me for a touching eulogy, Mary beamed with pride the way my mom did when I performed at school functions or dance recitals.
“Death opens a door out of a little, dark room into a great, real place where the true sun shines and we shall meet.”
Her beautiful face is no longer here in the audience of my life, but I take comfort in knowing that she is among the great cloud of witnesses in Heaven. She still cheers and beams with pride as I run my race in this life. I am most assured she will be jumping up and down when I cross over that finish line into eternity.
Always in my heart, always in my touch. How deeply you are missed, my sister, my friend.
"No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving
some mark on it forever."
- Francois Mocuriac
